Nascar and Craig Effron - A Clash of Cahones
July 31, 2006
Craig grew up in a small town near Boise Idaho where the population was 946 and not growing. The land was vast and plentiful. The Effron's lived in a two bedroom house on a 120 acre farm. They were simple farmers, growing corn and gumweeds for a simple sheltered life. Maude, Craig's mother had long hair, fair skin, thin shoulders and a big ass. She worked out once and then her ass got good. She was the town beauty, winning all the beauty pagants, prom queen and got to marry Billy Bob Effron. Billy Bob, Craig's father was the captain of the football team, prom king and lead man in his school play. An aspiring actor he was. Tall, strong and broad-shouldered he was. But, alas he works on a farm. To Billy Bob's amazment he was content with his life. A rather enigmatic turn of events. His parents, his peers, teachers and coaches all thought he would leave the town of Littedick, Idaho and make something of himself. Pro football player, hollywood actor, lawyer, doctor; anything. He could have traveled to the moon, but Billy Bob stayed in Littledick his whole life, happy and content with his decision. Through all the talent, brains and strength lie a simple man. A lover not a fighter. He met Maude in high school and wanted to keep his life simple so he could keep Maude and not complicate his life. He built up his farm, had three children and 102 pieces of corn..
Johnboy, Craig's older brother, was born in the woods one warm summer night. They call him Wramsummernight for short because of the way he was born. No one knows for sure the origin of the name but its a doozy. WSN, abbreviated, sweats a lot. The next boy that was born was called Craig because his head came out first. The origin of that name is obvious. His mother called him Fastboy because his head cam out first. A racer from birth they called him. They called him headshot and rimjob. These were sticky names, lasting through college. Craig wasn't too bright. His grade point average was a 2.1 and he would often walk into walls. They would call him wallkill and diaperkid. He had a dirty mouth, cursed all the time. Soap was his enemy as it entered his mouth via Maude's hand. They called him Soapboxkid. He built a Soapbox car so they called him Soapboxboy. That name was confusing so they figured they'll just call him Fastboy, but that was before he raced at all so they stuck with DingleSoap till his first race. A rampant maniac, Craig Effron created a world where there was none. The Soapbox derby was all his idea. He put up fliers, went to people's houses, he did everything he could to get the race going. He even built some Soapbox cars for the other kids to drive. They called him Soapboxbuilder.
August 21, 1972. The race was on! Craig was young, but good at speed. He engineered a hill that was fast and dangerous. The race was no contest, he won by a landslide. They called him Fastboy from then on. That name was stickier than rimjob and headshot combined! Continue to Part 2
Update: I realize that all the nicknames don't make much sense and some are just plain silly, but this was the life of Craig Effron the racer. Above we have mentioned Craig Effron Jewelry which is actually Craig's site. Little known fact, he was owner of the Jewelry Data Matching company that has cleared up messes for countries and places that need it and will pay a lot of money for it.